Merry Christmas

21 12 2016

To all who stop by – Merry Christmas!!
I hope the holiday season will bring each of you something wonderful.

Mine will likely not do that. After all the pain of earlier this year, it looks like the new year is going to start off even more painful. I do not have the necessary funds to pay for the storage of my possessions. Everything that means anything to me is in the two storage units. Being in very small temporary quarters there’s no place to bring anything and the ice, steep alley and driveway/parking area has left even using the car impossible. We are looking at a thaw and I am going to try to get what little I can out. The family heirlooms, furniture, bedding, other household goods, clothes, tools, books, research materials, manuscripts, genealogical documents, family photographs, pedal clavichord and more are probably going to be taken from me when they auction off the contents for nonpayment of the rent. It’s just too damn much loss.

The business I bought in 2006 was forced to close in April of 2009 (I did all the right things, was complimented by my CPA for keeping things honest, above-board and legal, it was the loss of our customer base, too many people lost their jobs and weren’t buying what we were selling), the commercial building that was part of that purchase was also lost, the car was lost (no job to bring in the necessary funds to pay anything), the house was taken this March after living there 46 1/2 years. I damn near killed myself getting as much as I could packed up and the spouse and friend got it into two storage units. They didn’t, however do more than get things in, the did not listen to my requests to have certain marked items kept to the front so they could be gotten out and sold – just in case – but are buried in those units, somewhere. I expended what savings I had to keep the rent paid while doing everything I could to generate an income, land a job, create something online, sell stuff on eBay, Craig’s List, etc.
I’ve tried very hard to have a positive attitude, be grateful for everything I have, the wonderful blessings each day holds, and believed things would get better. They haven’t. In the process of getting everything out of the house, I gave my already messed up knees and back enough stress that they just don’t work right now. I couldn’t get down that icy alley unless I crawled. The front sidewalk is a glacier from a water leak uphill which has created a dangerous situation for anyone trying to walk on the hill.
I’m still applying for jobs, getting out will be interesting beyond belief but if I have to crawl down the alley with more presentable clothes in a bag and find someplace to change I guess that’s what I’ll do. A remote position would be perfect but so many of those are nothing but scams (ask me how I know) and it just makes it that much more difficult for people who want to work and can’t get out of their homes to do so.
All this is so painful there are really no words to describe it. The small table my father made as a final shop project in 8th grade and gave to his mother, the desk he made me, the Japanese import china my mother got for $100.00 just after World War II that is a service for 12 of fine bone china, my great-grandfather’s shaving mug, great-grandmother’s sugar and creamer, my library all packed in boxes and inaccessible. The manuscripts I’ve written, the research materials that were carefully gathered and preserved, the family photos, documents, and other genealogical materials for both my family and my spouse’s. The gifts from my parents, spouse, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, touchstones that bring them all close even though all are long dead, connections to people who loved me and who I love yet.
This is my coming reality for 2017 – unless there is some kind of miracle, God knows, I’ve been doing everything I could to help myself. I want more than I can express to not have this happen. I know I probably shouldn’t post this, probably shouldn’t even write it, but I need to get it out of my head and hope that maybe someone can offer some help.

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Meditatio CCIXVII

2 01 2014

To all of you who love me and whom I love.

Celebrate my life.

I know you will mourn.

Remember the laughter, the joy, the jokes and fun.

The love is yours,

Your whole life long,

Though my former self is gone.

Only a shell, shed, like a butterfly,

From a chrysalis to winged beauty,

I’ve changed from flesh, loved by you, I know,

To spirit, born anew in different garb.

I’m always with you, in your heart,

Watching over, loving, those I love.

Do not grieve too long.