Good Riddance 2016!!!!

31 12 2016

I, for one, am relieved to have 2016 at an end. I have learned a lot, some of it interesting (mostly the genealogy progress), but most of it unpleasant at the very least. I learned that I can not even turn to my blood relatives, family, for aid. I was not asking for more than a small loan, a hand up to get myself a way to earn some kind of income. I was told, basically, to go away, get on public aid and leave them alone. Why anyone would want to sell themselves in that particular slavery I don’t know. I had to deal with it while the step kids were growing up and it was a misery every minute we were on it. I succeeded in removing myself from that and had hoped to make a passable living, I didn’t expect to get rich, just have what I needed to have my home and the other necessities of life. The response was cold, lecturing me to be “responsible”, something that anyone who really knows me would find odd as I have been told on more than one occasion that I am responsible to a fault, and walk away from everything that means something to me because it costs money. Well, the logical argument then becomes, if it costs money, then pretty much everything is not worth anyone’s bother. Evidently the money part is what hits them hardest. I was not asking for a gift, I was requesting a small loan ($1,000.00). I explained my thinking and plan but was told that it would be “too hard”. I almost decided to copy that missive from the great and powerful family but changed my mind. Am I angry? You better f**king believe it! Am I hurt? Damned right I am!

Do any of you have items from your ancestors that are precious? Things, physical objects that are irreplaceable? Well, I do and I certainly have no intention of walking away and losing them if I can find a way to prevent that. I found something that I am physically capable of doing, I was asking for help to get what I needed to start, a hand up, a way to earn a living. Would it be “hard”, of course, on some days very hard on others not at all, but most jobs fall into that kind of sphere. Do I have the right to ask blood relatives for assistance? I thought so, evidently not. The response was so cold, so dismissive, like I was the most embarrassing thing to them that they could imagine. The thought that they might have to face a reality other than their own insular little place must have been too much for them. Strange, after all the help, of all kinds, provided by my parents and myself to them when they were in need. I wasn’t asking to be supported for any space of time, wasn’t asking to move in with any of them (a thought that nauseates me), wasn’t asking to have any long term commitment from them. I’m just disgusted by them all. I’ve researched the ancestors, read of the way they helped and supported each other, physically, emotionally and financially, taking in aunts or uncles, children from family members who were too ill to care for them, the things families used to do without much discussion. It was family, that was enough.

I suppose that I should not post this, however, I promised myself to be honest here on the blog. I don’t name names, I write under a pseudonym because my spouse insisted. But the facts are the truth, my response is honest. Maybe my rants will help someone else along the way, they certainly help me. I’ve had more loving, caring response from my fellow bloggers than from my own family, for which I am grateful beyond words, for their kindness and moral support.

I want to support myself, I want to keep what’s mine, those irreplaceable physical items that mean so much, the ones that remind me of the person every time I see or touch them, the ones that carry the love they bore me. I suppose in some ways I’m tied to the physical in ways that many people can’t understand, but that is how I am. It gives me great joy to hold or touch an object my mother used almost daily in the kitchen, or a tool my father used in his work, a small table of my maternal grandmother’s, nothing great and expensive, simple daily items I’ve lived with all my life that keep the spirit of those people closest to me near by.

I am hoping and praying that 2017 will be the complete opposite of this past wretched year and I don’t even include any of the more obvious events in the world in that wretched.

I wish all of you, my readers, a Most Wonderful New Year, filled with health, prosperity, blessings, joy and hope.

Advertisements

Actions

Information

8 responses

10 01 2017
paintdigi

Happy 2017.
Good posts, beautiful blog.
Congratulations.

Like

5 01 2017
Real Life

Why do you think family owes you anything? What have you done for yourself to better your situation?

Like

5 01 2017
Aquila

First: I noticed that you posted as “Real Life” unknown@null.com and from your IP address I see you’re in Chandler, Arizona on cox.net.
I find it curious that you feel you need to hide, every other commenter has left a valid email address. I’m going to approve this anyway and answer your questions because you’re probably a family member who is being a smart ass (JMT?). You want it in a PUBLIC forum you’ve got it. Identify yourself and be a responsible person. Dare ya!

1. “Why do you think family owes you anything?”
Because one of the first things that you’re asked when applying for any kind of government or private assistance is “Are there any FAMILY MEMBERS who can or will help you?” Now why would a person ask their family for help? Could it be because they have helped them over the years? I have, I’ve helped MY family members financially, I’ve given them money even when I couldn’t really afford it, some decided to consider it a loan and paid it back, some didn’t, either way it was fine. I’ve helped them move, I’ve watched their kids when they had emergencies, were sick, or simply couldn’t get a babysitter. I’ve given clothes, food, cars, co-signing car loans, time, I’ve help them move, taken care of elderly family members, shopped for them, and more. I feel that I should at least have the right to ASK my family for help, I’m not asking them to support me so I can sit and watch dumb videos all day like some people I know (I generally don’t even bother with those, don’t have a TV either). I wasn’t asking for anything but a loan, a hand up, not a handout. I have a spouse who prefers to do as little as possible in the way of providing support except for himself, that leaves it to me. I hit the end of the savings. Do I think they OWE me, no I don’t. I didn’t need a lecture like I was an irresponsible child, like I had no idea what I needed to do. I know what I have to do, how I do it and what is MY choice, not theirs. They have never been in the kind of financial situation I’m in. They’ve always had good jobs, steady incomes, comfortable lives where little threatened their homes or possessions or children or pets.

2. “What have you done for yourself to better your situation?”
I’ve applied for at least 8000 jobs over the last 9 years, I’ve heard back from 4 – “We feel you are overqualified for the position,” – from every one of them. I do not believe there is ever anyone overqualified for any position, you can be under qualified but not over. If they’re afraid I’d be bored they’re wrong, I don’t get bored. I do what I’ve been asked, I do it as well as possible, I do it on time, I look for ways to improve the job and if it’s a very repetitive job, I have plenty of things to think about – I don’t get bored. I asked for help because I do have an opportunity to get myself out of this lousy hole I’m in. I had planned on continuing to work in the store I had, except the economy tanked and our customer base evaporated. I tried to get help then none of the banks would because of things out of my sphere of control. I’ve written several books, I’ve submitted them to various publishers, I’m planning on self-publishing once we’re in a permanent residence, I’ve sold some fine craft items, again working on things like that requires a permanent living situation, I’ve got things for sale on eBay, I plan on an Etsy shop – again, when in a permanent situation. I have a physical disability that puts a hard limit on the kinds of jobs I can do, anything that requires standing or walking for more than a few minutes is not physically possible. I have applied for every job I think I am capable of doing. So, yeah, I have been doing something all along to try and better the situation. The spouse certainly could – and should – have tried harder. He was perfectly content to let me support him, but he seems to have a problem with doing anything to support me. I don’t like asking for help, I’d rather be able to manage on my own, however there comes a time when you realize that you have to at least ask, and in case you weren’t sure, asking your family for help is also a way of trying to better your situation. If there had been a way to borrow the amount I asked for from a bank, with any expectation of an approval, I would have done that instead.

Careful, things like this can happen to anyone. I’ve seen it more than once over the years. People with good jobs standing in my store in tears when they turned up for work to find the doors locked and no answer when they called their employer to find out why. People coming in apologizing that they wouldn’t be able to buy anything from us. People who no matter how hard they tried to get work left with no job, no unemployment benefits (as an employer, you don’t get shit, by the way) or those having run out, the loss of their car, their house, their possessions, some their marriages. The family who came in the night their child was diagnosed with cancer, pleading for help, anything to take that horror away. The things that hadn’t occurred to them in that first shock, that their income would probably not be adequate for the treatment, that their insurance (if they had any) would cover some of it, that the second job would have to go so they could care for their child. Standing there knowing that all you could do was pray for them all, maybe give them a hug, and watching them leave wishing you could take that away for them. Seeing a former customer in another store and being told they were homeless and someone had been kind enough to give them a few dollars to get food. The bottom can drop out when you least expect it. I hung on longer than I thought I’d be able to. I wonder if you’d do as well.

I find it interesting, in a psychologically clinical way, that the questions were put this way. I’ve heard it before from both psychologists and psychiatrists. They generally are not helpful questions. Why do you think I should NOT ask my family for help, regardless of whether I “think family owes you anything” or not? Why do you seem to assume that I have done nothing to change or improve my situation? How do you think you would manage in exactly the same situation with the same physical constraints? Would YOU ask family for help? Do you think you deserve help from your family? Do you expect them to help you? Do you expect me to help you in future?

Like

1 01 2017
KTC

May the year 2017 be a better one for you, Aquilla. Many blessings to you.

Liked by 1 person

1 01 2017
Aquila

Thanks, KTC. Many blessings to you as well and a great 2017. Lots of progress with the genealogical research as well.
Happy New Year!!!

Liked by 1 person

31 12 2016
insearchofitall

This last year was a transition year for me. I know the slate will be clean now and I will start all over again. I can build it all again. It’s a whole new year and a whole new way to think about it. Happy New Year and know that it will be.

Liked by 1 person

1 01 2017
Aquila

I agree, it sure was a transition year for me too, not fun. A friend mentioned that it was a 9 year (numerology) and that it was a year for completion. 2017 is a 1 year and new beginnings. I sure welcome some new beginnings and those completed things can just fade away since they’re done. So indeed, a Very Happy New Year, full of NEW Beginnings, New Abundance, and New Hope!!!

Liked by 1 person

1 01 2017
insearchofitall

Yes, I knew that about the numerology too. I need to look and see where I personally am on that chart. I have my own book on it somewhere. I’m ready for a new beginning as well. Like I said, the last 2 have been tough as nails. I’m going to chant a mantra “it’s getting better and better” and see if that helps. šŸ™‚

Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: