Nothing in particular

13 01 2018

Today is sunny and cold. We did not get the amount of snow that had been forecast – fortunately, so the driveway and front walk are passable.

The spouse is cooking, I don’t much now, did for years and years and when it was down to the two of us it got to the point I got tired of the complaints and “retired” from the kitchen.

Turns out it was probably a good thing since I was not the one doing the grocery shopping, the lists provided were either forgotten or ignored and when plans for a dish or meal were left in shambles without the required ingredients there was cause for complaint. So now the spouse continues to do the shopping but only gets a few items I request – usually while wandering the store while on the phone with me and that’s usually rather comic.

“I’m in the bread aisle.”

“Grab a loaf of pumpernickel.”

“I’m past there.”

“Go back and grab one. It’s not like you’re across the store.”

“Okay, got it.”

Long silence with store and cart noises for a minute or so.

“I was thinking.”

“Okay, and?”

“Rolls.”

“What?”

“Rolls, I forgot to grab them.”

“Are you still in the bread aisle?”

“No, I have to go back.”

And on through the store he goes, going back to various aisles even though he keeps saying he doesn’t want to go back.

“Did you get the things I asked for?”

“Not yet.”

“You’ll have to go back to get them.”

“I don’t feel like it.”

“Then why didn’t you get them while you were where the items were?”

“I was talking to you.”

“No, you weren’t. Most of the time you weren’t on the phone, it was sitting in the cart. I could hear the wheel squeak and the canned music in the background.”

“I was thinking.”

“Please, would you go get those items?”

“Oh, all right. I’ll be home soon.”

There are variants on the phone calls from the stores. Sometimes they are more spouse thinking out loud than conversations, I only have to grunt once in awhile for those and they usually occur while spouse is in a home improvement store hunting for some small part or fastener. I used to go along on those expeditions, they were long, the whole place had to be traversed several times. I can’t walk and stand that long anymore and the last time I used the electric cart it took three of them and hours to get done and decided it was silly to go with him anymore. So now it’s virtual, sort of, since he can’t send me video (thank heavens).

A lot of work still going on around the building, it keeps spouse busy and out of trouble, except for his home improvement store expeditions – they take even longer when he’s alone. I just heard the car leave – know where he’s off to.

 

 

 

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A New Year

6 01 2018

I am glad 2017 is gone. It was another year of huge losses, frustration and promises by others unkept. I’ve done my part, tried to secure employment which didn’t happen (it seems that my age and appearance are a major factor, which, as I see it, shouldn’t matter a damn), lost everything in the storage units (which included family heirlooms, household goods, my library – everything) and am still without any kind of medical or dental care or income – such fun.

I am still in temporary quarters, preparing to move to more temporary quarters downstairs when the apartment is ready. I was told at the beginning of 2017 that we would be in a house, permanently, before the middle of the year – didn’t happen. Not because I didn’t work toward it, I did, it wasn’t something that I really had any kind of influence over in the first place, all of it was in the hands of other people.

I don’t think it’s easy for others to understand that when a person is physically disabled, they lose a lot of their autonomy, they are overlooked, ignored, passed over regardless of their education, gifts, skills or whatever, they’re “different”. Things have gotten better generally for physically disabled people but there are still a lot of jobs that are simply beyond my physical abilities and there doesn’t seem to be a point to trying to get a job it is not possible for me to do physically. I had an acquaintance tell me that I should volunteer at a soup kitchen, which I wouldn’t mind, but the staff said when I called to ask about it that there wouldn’t be much point, I’d have to be able to stand for at least a couple of hours (not something I can do, no matter how much I might want to). Should I even mention trying the “work-at-home” scams? I tried the transcription thing but it certainly wasn’t something that would afford a viable income, not even “pin-money”. The audio was generally wretchedly unintelligible, and there was a lot of jargon and crosstalk, it took 5 hours to “earn” $1.86.  I type fast enough, it just wasn’t possible to understand enough of what was said to transcribe it.

However, I’m investigating some other options, there’s got to be something that will generate an income and that is within my physical limitations. I’m hoping that 2018 will see us in a house, permanently. I’m deeply grateful for the temporary quarters, I can’t say I even want to think about where I and my spouse would’ve been otherwise. We’ve had food, heat and electricity, a functional bathroom, a place to sleep and keep what possessions we’ve got left, a place for our elderly dog, a way to cook and wash dishes and laundry, great blessings indeed. So maybe 2018 will be better all around.

 

 

 





Unexpected Problems

14 04 2017

These last several days have been very busy for my spouse. We had a considerable problem that had to be tended to quickly, which it was. Last week half the roof on the building we’re living in literally lifted up and folded back on itself during the afternoon which wasn’t really all that windy. It sounded like someone fell down the interior stairwell, except no one did – I looked all around the building to see what caused the noise, found nothing. I did tell my spouse about it. There was another search and again nothing to see. Later in the day we had rain, not as much thunder and lightning as forecast but plenty of rain, steady, soaking rain. Around 1700 hrs. we heard a steady drip which was quickly located in the bathroom and a trip up to see the upstairs neighbor by my spouse. We found it odd that it was dripping on the second floor but not the third which is right under the roof, accompanied by a comment that it was probably a pipe and would be a pain to fix because it would mean tearing out a wall or ceiling. About 1815 hrs. the other neighbor on the same floor came over to say they were getting water dripping in their apartment which information I relayed to my spouse, and which elicited another groan. There was a visit to the neighbor and my spouse again went up to see the third floor neighbor who was not home at that point. A knock on the door at 1900 hrs. was the third floor neighbor asking me to come up and see the drips, I went up and it was more than drips, it was a stream of water coming out of the living room ceiling. Spouse came up only minutes later and the mops, buckets and long night of emptying buckets, pots and plastic garbage cans was started, on all three floors on one side of the building.

The next day my spouse got the ladder up to the third floor porch and opened the scuttle to the roof. We had talked about it and figured the patch that had recently been put on a small leak had failed. I was told a short while later that it was far more than a failed patch. The northeast corner of the roof had just pulled up, folded back on itself and basically left about a quarter of the building with no protection from the rain. Spouse and helper were off to get the necessary materials to fix the problem. It did stop raining before they were up there to see the damage, at least the easily visible damage. The third floor neighbor had gone out around noon and I was working on the computer when there was a loud WHUMP!!! and the building shook. I called my spouse who called the building owner and third floor neighbor, both on their way here. Most of the ceiling had come down in the bedroom and some in the living room. So the clean-up was started.

Materials came and the roof was fixed over the following couple days. I was told the contractor who did the job about 4-5 years ago had chintzed on materials, used nails far too short, not overlapped the roofing material properly and the whole works was like someone had only used thumbtacks instead of nails to hold the roofing material down. There was a lot of upset for the owner, who is very good about seeing to maintenance and repairs.

Yesterday there was the removal of the remaining ceiling in that apartment and I was told the insulation was still just sodden. The mess cleared up and the replacement of the ceiling and upper part of two walls taken in hand, they will probably have the drywall up and ready for primer by the end of the day today.

This last week or so was one of lots of extra work, unexpected expense and some aggravation for both the owner and upstairs neighbor. Both, however, are aware of the fact that no matter how well you take care of sometimes unexpected problems can occur. Hopefully by the end of tomorrow things will be back to a more normal footing around here.





The Truth Still Matters

18 03 2017

The hate continues. The media hype just doesn’t stop. When will people learn it isn’t the dogs who are to blame? It is, sadly, the dogs who pay the ultimate price for the hate and ignorance, the abuse and irresponsibility of their human owners. These dogs are chained to tires so they “get strong” by dragging them around. They are fed gunpowder, according to one former dog fighting owner, it makes them “crazy”. The things done to these dogs is horrific. It is NOT the dogs. It IS the OWNERS.





Middle of March

15 03 2017

Somehow it’s the middle of March. We have snow, enough to prevent getting out of the driveway and down the hill, it’s too slippery. We watched a car from further up the hill slide and almost slide into the big condo building. There is melting where the sun hits and things should be passable tomorrow, which with warmer temperatures will increase the melting. We do have the beginnings of the “glacier” on the front sidewalk again. Wherever the water is coming from it comes up over the edge of the sidewalk and flows across it, which when cold enough grows the sheet of ice that turns into the “glacier”.

I am looking forward to spring.





7 Years

31 01 2017

It hardly seems possible 7 years have slipped by since I started blogging but WordPress has sent me a notice to that effect. I have found friends in this blogging community, people who have taught me many things and people who have read my words.

Thank you all. Thank you WordPress for offering a place for us to share our words, photos and lives.





Good Riddance 2016!!!!

31 12 2016

I, for one, am relieved to have 2016 at an end. I have learned a lot, some of it interesting (mostly the genealogy progress), but most of it unpleasant at the very least. I learned that I can not even turn to my blood relatives, family, for aid. I was not asking for more than a small loan, a hand up to get myself a way to earn some kind of income. I was told, basically, to go away, get on public aid and leave them alone. Why anyone would want to sell themselves in that particular slavery I don’t know. I had to deal with it while the step kids were growing up and it was a misery every minute we were on it. I succeeded in removing myself from that and had hoped to make a passable living, I didn’t expect to get rich, just have what I needed to have my home and the other necessities of life. The response was cold, lecturing me to be “responsible”, something that anyone who really knows me would find odd as I have been told on more than one occasion that I am responsible to a fault, and walk away from everything that means something to me because it costs money. Well, the logical argument then becomes, if it costs money, then pretty much everything is not worth anyone’s bother. Evidently the money part is what hits them hardest. I was not asking for a gift, I was requesting a small loan ($1,000.00). I explained my thinking and plan but was told that it would be “too hard”. I almost decided to copy that missive from the great and powerful family but changed my mind. Am I angry? You better f**king believe it! Am I hurt? Damned right I am!

Do any of you have items from your ancestors that are precious? Things, physical objects that are irreplaceable? Well, I do and I certainly have no intention of walking away and losing them if I can find a way to prevent that. I found something that I am physically capable of doing, I was asking for help to get what I needed to start, a hand up, a way to earn a living. Would it be “hard”, of course, on some days very hard on others not at all, but most jobs fall into that kind of sphere. Do I have the right to ask blood relatives for assistance? I thought so, evidently not. The response was so cold, so dismissive, like I was the most embarrassing thing to them that they could imagine. The thought that they might have to face a reality other than their own insular little place must have been too much for them. Strange, after all the help, of all kinds, provided by my parents and myself to them when they were in need. I wasn’t asking to be supported for any space of time, wasn’t asking to move in with any of them (a thought that nauseates me), wasn’t asking to have any long term commitment from them. I’m just disgusted by them all. I’ve researched the ancestors, read of the way they helped and supported each other, physically, emotionally and financially, taking in aunts or uncles, children from family members who were too ill to care for them, the things families used to do without much discussion. It was family, that was enough.

I suppose that I should not post this, however, I promised myself to be honest here on the blog. I don’t name names, I write under a pseudonym because my spouse insisted. But the facts are the truth, my response is honest. Maybe my rants will help someone else along the way, they certainly help me. I’ve had more loving, caring response from my fellow bloggers than from my own family, for which I am grateful beyond words, for their kindness and moral support.

I want to support myself, I want to keep what’s mine, those irreplaceable physical items that mean so much, the ones that remind me of the person every time I see or touch them, the ones that carry the love they bore me. I suppose in some ways I’m tied to the physical in ways that many people can’t understand, but that is how I am. It gives me great joy to hold or touch an object my mother used almost daily in the kitchen, or a tool my father used in his work, a small table of my maternal grandmother’s, nothing great and expensive, simple daily items I’ve lived with all my life that keep the spirit of those people closest to me near by.

I am hoping and praying that 2017 will be the complete opposite of this past wretched year and I don’t even include any of the more obvious events in the world in that wretched.

I wish all of you, my readers, a Most Wonderful New Year, filled with health, prosperity, blessings, joy and hope.